In honour of the ‘International Day of Happiness‘, I thought I’d write a post about something that brings me much happiness – an addiction that I cannot seem to shake off, no matter what dire warnings I receive from my dentist, my GP, my mum and my bank too, as I persist in utilising my already-meagre balance to finance this habit…
You see, I am a chocoholic. An obsession that I am not ashamed of, but yet feel obliged to defend before my family and friends. Those who love me have gone as far as trying to harness and muzzle me before approaching the chocolate section of the local delicatessen, to no avail. Hell may have no fury as a woman’s scorn, but just you try and come between a chocoholic and her chocolate, the consequences can be terrible for you.
I’ve had enough of the guilt and burden piled up on me for loving this ‘salad’ (please refer to the picture on left for the indisputable logic behind this cibarious classification). Therefore, in an attempt to make my voice heard, I have taken to the pen (not the bottle, I might add). I sometimes feel disconsolate about my “addiction”. Enough of being ostracised at social gatherings. Enough of friends and family poking fun at me for eating perhaps what may be just a tad more than my fair share of chocolate mousse. Enough of the wise-cracks about having to keep the chocolate cake out of sight of the ‘Chocdemolition Brigade’ (read: me).
With all seriousness (and, of course, all due respect to Shakespeare) let me ask you this: “Hath not a chocoholic eyes? Hath not a chocoholic hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions, fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a non- chocoholic is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?”
I originally started this blog post with the intention of devoting my efforts to a brief commemoration about how chocolate is an intrinsic source of happiness for me. Clearly, my ardour for it cannot be quelled! You see, that’s the beauty of having a passion, a delight, an appreciation – dare I say – an obsession. It is single-minded. It is resolute. It is unwavering. This love for chocolate is. And this blog post is the epitome of what a determined individual can accomplish. The fact that you are reading this at all is proof of the fact that I have sympathisers and empathisers.
Allow me to give you a sneak preview into the chocolate secrets of the lives of those of us who live, sleep and breathe chocolate. Here are the 12 Chocommandments, the rules that govern the very essence of a chocoholic’s survival:
- Thou shalt do unto all chocolates as thou would do unto thy most favourite chocolate.
- Thou shalt not take the name of chocolate in vain.
- Thou shalt not lie to cover up thy chocolate addictions.
- Thou shalt not complain about thy chocolate.
- Thou shalt not boast about thy chocolate.
- Thou shalt not blame others for thy chocolate temptations.
- Thou shalt not make empty pronouncements about thy chocolate.
- Thou shalt not murder for thy chocolate.
- Thou shalt not commit perjury nor steal for thy chocolate.
- Thou shalt not dishonour any chocolate.
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s chocolate.
- Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour’s chocolate.
Indeed, we chocoholics, have at our disposal a vast array of useful resources and guidelines for daily living. These “chocolatisms“, as they are known, are the very lifeline of our survival. I know I’m bordering on the hyperbole here, but take this delightful pearl of wisdom from the Book of Chocolatisms, “If you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?”
And then we have the Chocolate Easter Bunnies (currently to be found in abundance in shops as Easter fast approaches). Now, I have been sworn to secrecy on this one, but I can tell you in all confidentiality, that like dear old Santa Claus who propagates the spirit of merriment and goodwill, the Easter Bunny serves to renew the hopes, faiths and aspirations of chocoholics. I mean, think about it? How else can you explain the keen demand by men and women of all ages for a Bunny? And a chocolate one at that!
My fellow chocoholics, I leave you thus, with the immortal words of Lord Alfred Tennyson, “To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield” – there is abundant chocolate out there just waiting for you to find it.
And to the non-chocoholics, having read my treatise thus far, I say to you, “chocolate is a salad. And salads are good for you.”
Happy International Day of Happiness. Happy chocolate eating. Now please pass the truffles.
Saneeya Qureshi © 2015